What Edge?

Jai Bhagwan!

OMWhen I decided to split my blogs again and dedicate this blog as my sadhana journal, I determined that I would write about every day’s sadhana.  You will notice that there is no entry for Saturday nor for Sunday.  I decided to let Saturday’s parctice slide, that was an unfortunate mistake which I will not repeat.  I have never practiced on Sundays oustide of my time in Florida, I’ll continue that so long as it does not disturb the silence and peace of the day.  Keeping all of that in mind, here are notes from yesterday and this morning:

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Quiescent mind.  Held each posture for three breaths, resulted in a shorter practice and was not as taxing nor as filling as other sessions.  This felt more like going through the motions rather than walking the razor’s edge that requires full dedication.  Physical relief when compared to Monday’s distress made the whole practice feel luxurious, the result was that the postures felt lack luster, a visit to Club Med.  Need to revisit this shorter practice in a few days to see if there is an opportunity to improve focus and maintain alignment and intensity during an “easy” practice.

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Unusual instability in balance postures when standing on the left side, also a distinct lack of sensation throughout the body from beginning to end.  Held each pose for 5 breaths—about a minute—still was very dis-integrated, body sensation was either unavailable or very timid.  Mind was looking for something to focus upon, with low sensation it returned to the odd dreams of last night—Darth Vader, broom closests and banquet tables.  Even in savasana focusing inward was very awkward, mind and awareness seemed to slide about and skid across the glass smooth surface of sensation.  “How do I move past the edge when I cannot find the edge?”  Sudden awareness, “There is no edge.” In that moment, intense sensation raced out of the body.  The muscles of the low back on the left were almost cramping.  Spine and back were actually arcing to the left.  Right shoulder was trying to cover the right ear.  Ujjayi breath, even slower, breathe into the sensation.  Release, back comes into alignment as the muscles relax.  Release, shoulder slides down to the floor and is gently drawn down and back.  Awash in stillness and eternity passes.