Not Nice

You might have seen me mention that I’m not nice.  It’s true but many of you who’ve met me are working under the illusion that I’m the nicest person you’ve met.  Some of my students have taken to calling me Guruji.  A guru is one who who leads from darkness to light.  Just saying that I am not nice only causes more illusion, more darkness.  Let me set the record straight.  I am not nice.  I will throw rocks at you without hesitation.  I will watch you pour tears from your eyes and say, “It’s about time.”  I will, with joy, help you see the darkest, most cruel parts of you with a simple question, “How do you express your love to her?”  You will want to bash my head with a large tree limb* or stab me with knives* because I am not nice.

Why am I not nice?  Because I see you and I love what I see.  I see how you hide behind these things that you believe you are.  I see those things that hide you for the lies they are.  I see the very real hurt those lies cause you.  I see that I am surrounded by divinity and I see that it has blinded itself.  I want you to see as I see.

Today, I see me and I see pain.  I wrote about my grandfather and his suicide the other day.  Let me quickly share a story my grandmother told me about him.  Sometime his weight would go above 170 or so and then he would vanish for a few days or he would simply stop eating.  He wasn’t dieting, he was fasting.  Grandpa was exceptionally practical, he wasn’t fasting for some spiritual purpose.  He was fasting because his weight was making him feel sluggish and sick.  He knew that if he just shed some weight, 5-10 lbs, he would feel better.

My counters are covered in food and I feel sluggish and sick.20151231_233223  My scale gives a very good indication as to what has happened.  When I stepped on last night, I was 2lbs less than my all time heaviest weight.  Less than a month ago, my weight hovered around 178lbs.  Why am I bearing all?†  Because, I am not nice.

20160101_064557Here is what this yogi looks like getting up before sunrise for sadhana today.  That look is not sadness nor is it moping.  What you see is the naked pain and discomfort the scale hints at, something I imagine grandpa felt when he knew it was time for a couple days’ fast.  Every day in the right panel, I’ll post a new picture of the scale and me as I prepare for sadhana.  There are so many inspiring images of yoga beautifully posed with amazing lighting and professional photographers.  I give you raw, unedited me because I’m not nice.  I am filled with an unyielding love and light to burn away any illusion of what I am not.  Enjoy the heat.20160101_073530

Oh and don’t take this all too very seriously.  “Yoga is very serious but don’t take it too seriously.”  ~Gurudev  “Being serious is the only spiritual crime but don’t punish the criminal.  It is the only crime that is also its own punishment.”  ~Chandrakant

Jai Bhagwan

*Actual student quotes
†Enjoy the scale pictures, they’re the only naked me photos I’ll ever take.